April come she will!

It’s ren, how are you?

I’ve missed emailing you, have you missed me? I’m sat in a cafe in my new town, dog under my feet, sun hitting the back of my neck. Good coffee, ain’t nout like that first cup! Delish.

Reading two absolute corkers at the mo, Perfume by Patrick Suskind And If We Were Villains by M.L Rio.

Dark academia, that’s a genre now apparently, I’m in. And reading is SO back. From the cottage I seem to have acquired some extra space in my brain, I love that for me. I don’t feel like a bird of prey as I so often did in London, sweating and exhausted on the filthy underground tube, spreading myself too thin and pretending I didn’t have injuries. life at the cottage goes at a slower pace, my pace. Rooms in my mind are being flung open, and the need to read is insatiable, lost time catching, then lazily dropping the book as I submerge my whole body in the bath.

Nighties, hair treatments, bonnets, painted toes, lurpack on toast, fresh bedding, long quiet afternoons, drawing cartoons, lavender, unexpected tears, crisp white towels, flute playing, watching the birds, listening to the birds, playing the guitar and not recording it, just letting it play. Falling asleep on the couch with the dog and waking to find everything’s just how I left it…

this is my first ever home. I never had that feeling of dying to get back after you’ve been out all day. I would avoid going home. Home used to symbolise shambolic, chaos, overwhelm, but here I’ve made friends with the walls, the streams of light seem to spur my whims and dreams and desires.

The house is on my side.

my foot has 6 new scars and I’m encouraged to prod them to make the healing process go faster. I love how it looks, my newly scarred foot, it looks like it belongs to the foot of a warrior. Battle scars tell the tale long after the last sword was flung.

(Me last week)

by way of a intense codeine withdrawal (possibly the most painful part of this whole experience) a week of shivers, itching, laying awake all night and crying out of restlessness, my body as of the last month is pain med free and feeling it all-god bless!

I’m going to get in the best shape of my life, in a month the boot comes off and I’m back to two shoes. And god willing 70% more mobility. I can’t think about it. But I want to see how strong I can get this body, I ain’t no damsel. and I’ve got a fight ahead of me. If I want to have a music career that isn’t despair on toast-I’ve got to be strong, stronger, clearer, calmer, less reactive, more in tune to vast beauty outside of it all. Because is it daft, trying to be a star, it takes up a lot of time, im learning that now, as I chop vegetables and watch the knife.

My second single is mastered and has a release date! I’m going to be making something visual very soon. It is similar to black wig in that the music is a whole world & experience-but this new one is-

dark forest

deep dark forest primal folk

flutes and urges.

lots of love Ren xxxxx