currently freezing in the garden

(massive email incoming-on one)

But I love the fresh air, the suns out but it hasn’t reached me yet. I’m at the garden table listening to John Martyn with a blanket. Ralph is bundled up in here somewhere. I went to the beach last week a couple of times, to Frinton On Sea, do you know it? I live not too far from there..It’s such a stunning beach! Sandy, clean, fresh sea water that wasn’t too cold. I couldn’t believe it, I couldn’t believe I was in England. Now I just need to learn to drive cos it’s a pain getting the train. I suppose I can start to learn now, as I’ve had my boot off!

Finally..it’s been a looong journey with this bloody foot and now the boot is off I feel a fresh slice of vulnerabilty, it’s quite tricky to walk, because my tendons have been moved around and rearranged and my calf muscles are knackered from not using them, so I’m a bit wobbly. But the surgeon says to have patience. I have physio in a bit- wish me luck..But back to the driving, it’s happening. I want to drive!! i’d be happy with a knackered old banger of a car, anything. In dreamland, I’d get a pink convertible, ha! When I was a teenager, my mum had a purple micra that made loads of noise and was always breaking down, and always had ‘clothes for the market’ piled up in the back seat. I was chuffed to get a lift to college but I’d ask her to drop me round the corner so nobody could see me getting out of it, how cheeky is that? But to be fair, I went to college in Salford, it was like Lord of the flies. Pendleton College in Salford. Still gives me the shudders..

Anyway, I’ve been thinking of posting more regularly on Substack, lots going on at the moment and I like communicating like this, I like having a record of this time of my life. Life goes back so fast doesn’t it? sigh…

Nick Drake is on now, Northern sky. I’m warming up bit.. Guys, my head is buzzing at the moment. I’ve got so many ideas swirling around, my anxiety has lessoned and I’m not as tired, the ideas are getting free reign..I sleep all the way through now. I’m so excited to be alive. I looked through my wardrobe the other day and I’ve acquired so many new clothes this past year that are so colourful. Lots of greens, pinks, blues, reds..For a mouldy old goth like me this is a surprise. I think living closer to nature has opened up something, having this cottage, the stillness, the space, the calm, I feel as though.. this year I’ve started to come back to myself. Or discover a part of myself that was buried deep. I’m not getting intense, well that’s a lie, I am, clearly, but it’s like I always say..go intense or go home.

Lovely song playing now, ‘I won’t hurt you’ by The West Coast Pop Art Experimental Band.

*If you’re not following my socials here’s some bits you may have missed*

I’m going on a duo tour with Romeo in October! I’d love to see some of you there. We’ve started rehearsing for it already cos were just keen beans, and I have to say..I think this tour is going to be iconic.

The RnR Show. An intimate soiree of sorts…Music, magic and undoubtedly a sprinkling of mayhem. Storytelling, flute solos, songs from our own catalogues old and new, maybe a cheeky cover or two. If you’d like to experience the intimacy of songwriting from us romantic rascals, you won’t want to miss this special show.

Tickets here

*Other bits*

I made this video of the last 6 months of my surgery extravaganza..I think the purpose of making this was to bring myself closure, as I can feel the next chapter of my life beckoning. I’m glad this part is over but it was beautiful in it’s way too.

And lastly, I found a record player for a quid on the carboot, it’s pink, it sounds shit, I love it. I got speakers for it and have put it in my office space in the cottage. If you are not familiar with Linda Perhaps, get to know… this is a classic and will enrich your life.

I feel like going back to bed. I won’t. but I want to. I’m going to make another coffee and take this groaning old machine of a body to the yoga mat, stretch it out and get some blood flowing.

I wrote this little poem a while ago about my body- being flesh and metal combined. I’ve struggled with my body alot since the accident, but on the beach last week, I wore a bikini. I never thought I would do that again. I’ve been such a prisoner to body dysmorphia, I know a lot of you will know exactly what I mean. But I thought last week that the massive scars all over my back that I’ve hidden away finally deserved some fucking sun.

Junkyard Flower.

junkyard flower,

wire for a stem

bottle top petals, she’s a junkyard chrysanthemum

nature *seeped her pollen,

into the machine world

and growing out of the wreckage

a robot flower girl!

half a flower,

half scrap metal

is she a modern day mother nature?

a hybrid of two

opposing gods

or a new kind of space

between all life’s work

and a load of old rusty odds and sods!

In fact, I just had a look though my phone and found a voice note of Romeo and I working it out- (I’m not sure what im doing at the end there pahaha)

Lots of love, ren xxx