Goodbye 33

hello chucks, y'alright? 

goodbye 33 (im 34 on Tuesday) goodbye to another year, and what have I learnt?

well *cracks knuckles*

I've learnt that beginning to heal takes a loooong time, unpicking, unlearning, it aint an over-night sensation.

That's what this year (33) has brought me, a beginning to a change. Moving to the cottage has given me a new lease of life, but the time and space I've sorely needed & gained here has urged me to confront many things from the past that I'd decided as a rambunctious youth no longer affected me (surprise-they do)

through councilling, cornering monsters, releasing singles independently & making videos, editing, trying to keep a pink cottage built in 1742 beautiful & not letting it go to the dogs, taking up a new skill (acting classes) flute lessons, putting on my producer hat, getting surgery on my foot and that whole process, 6 months in a boot and now learning how to walk again properly at the gym....god. Im knackered. I am vulnerable. confused, raw, alien.

I am also confident in a way I’ve never been. A sense of clarity has entered my life. I’ve calmed down a lot, am less defensive, feel more comfortable around people in general. laugh a lot more.

I’ve always been concerned that my ardent desire to “make it” would be in jeopardy if I found a life outside of that need.

I was wrong. I was also using that idea to keep myself from growing. A learnt practice that no longer serves me. I don’t need that protection anymore. I love music more than ever. But it’s different now. I’ll always make & create but, somethings changed and it can’t be unchanged.

I am eternally grateful to all of you who have supported me over the years. 💜

so what's the score for 34?

I have absolutely no idea.

Lots of love

Ren xxx